Friday, July 10, 2009

Magic item for fantasy settings

Great wizard Munchkin' A'lot presents:
The great magic ring of encumbrance penalty nullifier
It was a time, when wizard did adventure. It was a time long ago, as the wizard nowadays is very old. And wealthy of mass producting his magically crafted ring of The great magic ring of encumbrance nullifier.
See, this now old and ridiculously wealthy wizard used to travel and adventure at his youth. He had this comrade, Borak The Big Barbarian. You quessed right. Borak had his birthname for being a barbarian and a very big barbarian he is.
At the time when wizard and barbarian did travel and adventure (totally irrelevant how did they met and we talk about magic item here) - and so good they were too - they had a problem. You couldn't stay long enough in the dungeons to get maximum efficiency of looting. You had to head back to nearby town (there is always a town nearby a dungeon, or vice versa did you know) for resting and healing their wounds. And after that when they did return the dungeon they had looted before, it was allways re-occupied by same monsters, they had already slain. What a waste of time it was, but good for experience.
Luckily the nearby villages pharmacist, alchemist or wizard had a stock of various potions to sell from a stock what seemed to be unlimited and never ran out of goods. Only thing they needed was gold. And gold they had plenty as even every lesser rat in dungeon did drop a pile of gold after defeated by barbarian mighty +1 great axe for wizard and barbarian to collect them. And even if gold is known to be heavy, they just ignored it's weight and were able to carry thousands and thousands of pieces with them.
With great stacks of potions bought with ever greater stacks of gold they did travel this dungeon deeper and deeper they ever did before. If they got tired, they had a potion. If they got wounded, they had potion. There was no harm potion did not help. And they were delivered in unbreakable vials too.
When they started to find weapons from bigger monsters of almost human form but intelligence only to attack, they also started to find treasures what apparently those monsters did guard. Who knows did they or didn't? Treasures of golden plates and statues made of diamonds and they got now a new problem even potions couldn't solve; how to carry all that shit back to the town for sell?
Depressed and black was wizard's and barbarian's minds when they returned the town. They changed few looted weapons and found treasure for more gold and headed to the tavern. At this point they were already notably wealthy but it wasn't enough. What other meaning of life there is for an adventurer than loot dungeons for more gold? But they were bored to kill those same monsters over and over again.
Barbarian went drinking, wizard went thinking. More drunk barbarian got more gold he spent on barrels of beer and lap dancers to who barbarian gave more money the prettier they looked. And indeed, more barbarian drank more prettier those old hags changed in his drunken view. They were starting to run out of gold.
The wizard started to work his idea to magic and magic to item. He called this experiment "an idea of the magic item" and was pretty pleased with himself for coming up with so good idea for the name of his idea. What a witty name it was. And great idea too.
Several rolls of... moon he worked on it. A ring, what he called it to be. But it was no ordinary ring. It was an idea of the magic item ring. Special ring just for adventurers like he and barbarian were back in those old-school days, how wizard likes to call them.
The idea of the idea of the magic item ring was simple. You put it on your finger and can carry as much loot on yourself as you wish. Now they had potions to endure in dungeon as long as they wanted, and also a magic ring to carry as much of loot as they could find. No more unecessary hopping between the town and the dungeon.
Now wizard is old and barbarian is old drunk. It doesn't mean they couldn't loot dungeons anymore (thanks to the potion of instant soberness) but they got bored on it and decided to retire as npc's from now on. Still wizard loved gold and wanted a steady flow of income for his old days and barbarians neverending thirst of beer and bad taste of chicks, so he decided to start mass-prod, umm, mass-casting them - for good price ofcourse need I mention that to you? Some just created adventurers have tried to buy the ring right away as they were popped almost like out of nowhere to the town's tavern, but wizard always told them: "rookies, you first need to loot few dungeons, before can buy this" showing his display counter of rings. For fashion aware adventurers they come these days in various colours and shapes too.
Note: Even one groom did once buy that kind of ring for his wedding to be able to carry his newly wed troll-wife over the doorstep.
The great magic ring of encumbrance nullifier does what it's name is. Need I say more?
You can find the tavern where wizard and barbarian are as npc's in the town near your local dungeon. If you want that tavern has a name, it has a name what ever the tavern's name in the town is where characters are located . If you still don't know taverns name, you should contact your game's author you are playing, and insist to know the name of that tavern in that town. Prepare for waiting for the answer though.
When male characters are shopping rings upstairs of the tavern where wizard's room is, female characters can earn few extra gold by giving lap dance for the barbarian. Throw 1D20x100 gold for 10 minutes of dancing. Add 10% if topless.
10% change or result 1-2 on D20 that barbarian has passed out. Then female character must buy 2D3 beers to get him awake and then start dancing.
If male character tries to lap dance barbarian, barbarian instant kills character. No dice needed. Period.
If this is article for magic item, why do I continue giving rules for lap dancing drunken barbarian who is ex-adventurer?
Cost of one ring is loot of 1D6 dungeons.

Notes: I was today quite bored in work, so came up with this just to entertain myself. It is joke, if you did not notice it.
Sorry for all typos and bad english.

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